Summer of 1992

I had just graduated high school, and was working at the local grocery store. I was a check-out girl. That summer the owner's nephew was home from college. He was working at the store to make some extra bucks. I'd seen him around at parties and concerts. I didn't really know him, or for that matter take much notice. However, earlier that summer he had gone on a month long excursion out west. When he came back from that trip, I took a double take. I can remember exactly what he looked like the day I first payed attention to him. He had on cutoff corduroy pants with red paint splashed on them. He was wearing his former boarding school T-shirt. He had a tan that made him seem to radiate relaxation. His hair had been lightened by the sun. The tan made his blue eyes sparkle and when he smiled at me, he looked like a cat that had just swallowed a bird.

Air and Space Museum

In just a few short weeks, we will be traveling to Virginia to visit with Family. While we are there, my husband would really like to take our son to the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum. I told my Mother this and she said, "Oh God, not the infamous Air and Space Museum."

Which brings me back to the summer of 1981. Our family was on the East Coast visiting Grandparents. While in Virginia, my parents thought it would be educational to take me and my brother to the Capitol of our great Nation. On the agenda for D.C., was to stop at the Air and Space Museum. It was an amazing sight, space shuttles and satellites galore. While waiting in line to enter a life size replica of a space station, some children cut in front of us to join their Mother. My Mother (who has a tendency to become miffed easily) then turns to me and my brother and loudly states, "That woman is setting a bad example for her children, letting them cut in line like that." At that moment, I acted like I did not know my mother. I was only listening to this crazy lady to try and pacify her. I was just trying to help. Finally, we walk through the replica (which I hardly payed any attention to because I was so mortified). Upon exiting the space station, there waiting for us, is the Mother with her children that like to cut in line. She holds up her camera and points to my Mother, and says, "Hey kids, watch me take a picture of the rudest person ever." To which my Mother boldly gives this lady the finger. It felt like I was watching the whole thing in slow motion, my cheeks burned red hot. As we pass them, I can hear the woman say to her kids, "that woman is setting a very bad example for her children."

Chaos Theory

I would like to live my life with out hurting anyone. However, life runs its' own course. Recent situations, remind me of the Chaos Theory. The theory, that the flapping of a single butterfly's wing could produce enough of a change in the atmosphere, that over a period of time, a tornado that would have devastated the Indonesian coast doesn't happen. Or maybe one that wasn't going to happen, does.

What I'm trying to say is, that right and wrong to me, sometimes seem like a misnomer. When everything in life feels so fleeting, it just doesn't make sense for me to put my foot down. Unless of course, it's life or death.

I Like This

In honor of some of my fabulous friends, who always keep me in the know. I would like to share a site with you that I like. gbehh.com
This place has the best ecards on the whole, world wide web.

This be the Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.


Philip Larkin

Nerves

I'm usually nervous at social events, but add excitement and alcohol and you've got grounds for a black out. Actually, they're not really black outs, more like foggy diarrhea's. It takes an entire day to recover from the foggy diarrhea's. I've been told that I was born shy, yet sometimes I have the ability to turn on the charm. My mother said she married my father because he was so outgoing. Once they had been married for a year, she realized he was a hermit. That he could turn the charm on and off easily. My dad and I both have a dirty sense of humor. Every time I see him, he's asking for more funny phrases. He loves sewer pickles and bullets in the chamber. Like I said I get nervous in social situations. I think I should always remember that I don't need alcohol, I just need to turn on the charm...like my father.

Out of it

I'm feeling so, so out of it. Of it, of what? Some mornings I can barely motivate to go to the bathroom. What is that? This is not a rhetorical question, but, I suppose I won't get an answer since no one reads this blog.

So, here lies the real question. Do I share the blog w/ my fellow blogging friends? Do I want to open myself up to a world of hurt? One friend told me she found her blog therapeutic. I'm already in therapy. Yet still, I can't seem to stay away from the blogging. I started one last year and then got nervous about it, and had it deleted. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I'm sick of being out of it. I think it's time to get in it.

Fevers

My two children have both been sick for a week w/ fevers and strep and other viruses on top of that. My one year old has had an ongoing ear infection for about 5 months now. If I could give the winter of 09' a title it would be, "The Never Ending Cold"... and I'm not talking about the weather. There is one fever that I have become quite accustomed to, it's called cabin fever bitch! Yes, I added the bitch. I'm losing patience w/ my children, my husband and my dog. At least the dog can run around in the snow killing innocent moles to release his pent up aggressions. I watched through the window as he continuously tossed this black mole around in the snow. It was reminiscent of a killer whale attacking a baby seal. It was sickening.

I honestly don't mind the winter. I love that this winter we have had real snow storms. It is the illnesses that are born in winter that I can not take. I need to do stuff, and get out of the freaking house. I suppose things could be worse, at least I don't have a fever.